4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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