your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
soo... how was my night?
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