Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
