I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
