so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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