she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
