used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
