I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
bring money and cleavage
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
