You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would fuck him just for his dog
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
