i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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