I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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