I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
