Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
