so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize