Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
