Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
