bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
