It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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