forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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