nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
