hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They are going to name an STD after you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
