oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
