Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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