have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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