I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
