she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
