It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
