Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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