I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
