I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
