so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
