Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
