one two three fourrrrnication!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
