i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
