Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
