it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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