she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
