wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
