Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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