I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
