Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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