His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
