i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
