you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
