How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
