hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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