Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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