recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
