There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
