I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
