i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
