Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
should my penis look like a turkey
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
