I have demons in me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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