just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
