toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
