just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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