Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
