i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
