The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
