im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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