Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
