I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
