i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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