So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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