I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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