New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
