she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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