First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
