you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
