Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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