you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
