so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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