normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
