Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
