boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
