So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
