You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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