so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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