i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
