she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
