Your face is a jimmy john
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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