Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
