Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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