Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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